Here is a link to the actual transcript location the satirical edit below is based on. I am all for direct, plain talk as well as emotionally loaded hyperbole when needed-but this president is like no one I ever thought would end up elevated to the highest office in the land. Even if I have little respect for the smooth, likable talk the former president gave to our face (while doing horrendous things behind our backs)…it is far better than the petulant, oversensitive man-baby talk we are being subjected to.

So again, the “transcript” below, in the words of Kellyanne Conway , might be called an “alternative transcript”.

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Well this is Black History Month, or that’s what I heard. I had to make sure it wasn’t more of that fake news you know, because it’s out there. But this is our little breakfast, our little get-together.

Hi Lynn, how are you?

Just a few notes.

During this month, we honor the tremendous history of African-Americans throughout our country and going back in time because that’s what history does you know, throughout the world, if you really think about it, right? And their story is one of unimaginable sacrifice, hard work, and faith in America. I’ve gotten a real glimpse—during the campaign, I’d go places with Ben to do some stuff and I went to some places I wasn’t so familiar with. Those are some incredible people, let me tell you. Fabulous.

And I want to thank Ben Carson, who’s black by the way, and he’s gonna be heading up HUD. That’s a big job. There’s lots of poor people that need to live somewhere in those inner city black neighborhoods. They need housing, I’m told, and I know stuff about building things but that’s a job that’s not only housing, but it’s mind and spirit. Right, Ben? And you understand, nobody’s gonna be better than Ben.

Last month, we celebrated the life of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., who was also black and I have read things about him. He’s an incredible example and is unique in American history. You read all about him a week ago when somebody said I took the statue out of my office. It turned out that that was fake news.

Fake news.

The statue is cherished, it’s one of the favorite things in the—and we have some good ones. We have famous white guys too, and you might have heard them, guys like Lincoln, and we have Jefferson, a guy I heard just loved his slaves and might have had some children with one of them-a beautiful woman the history stuff I’ve seen says so. Sally something, I think.

And we have Dr. Martin Luther King. But they said the statue, the bust of Martin Luther King, was taken out of the office, and it was never even touched. So I think it was a disgrace, but that’s the way the press is. Very unfortunate.

I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn stuff about Reverend King and what he means to the blacks and so many other things. Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I noticed. That railroad lady…Harriet Tubman I think, and that one that rode the bus- Rosa Parks, and millions more black Americans who made America what it is today. Big impact. I’m proud to honor this heritage and will be honoring it more and more. When you see how I honor it you won’t believe it. There will be so much honor.

The folks at the table in almost all cases have been great friends and supporters. Darrell—I met Darrell when he was defending me on television. I like people who don’t say bad things about me, and there are some very bad things out there. Not true. Wrong. And the people that were on the other side of the argument didn’t have a chance, right?

And Paris has done an amazing job in a very hostile CNN community. He’s all by himself. You’ll have seven people, and Paris. And I’ll take Paris over the seven. But I don’t watch CNN, so I don’t get to see you as much as I used to. I don’t like watching fake news. But Fox has treated me very nice. Wherever Fox is, thank you. Tremendous coverage and lots of the real news stuff. Beautiful women, too, am I right? Of course I’m right. Yeah the women there are beautiful.

We’re gonna need better schools and we need them soon. We need more jobs, we need better wages, a lot better wages. We’re gonna work very hard on the inner city. Ben is gonna be doing that, big league.He knows about black stuff and that’s why I brought him on. The schools and the jobs and that stuff-that’s one of the big things that you’re gonna be looking at.

We need safer communities and we’re going to do that with law enforcement. Our police are fabulous and we’re gonna make it safe. We’re gonna make it much better than it is right now. Right now it’s terrible, and I saw you talking about it the other night, Paris, on something else that was really—you did a fantastic job the other night on a very unrelated show.

I’m ready to do my part, and I will say this: We’re gonna work together. This is a great group, this is a group that’s been so special to me. You really helped me a lot. If you remember I wasn’t going to do well with the African-American community, and after they heard me speaking and talking about the inner city and saying lots of other black kinds of things, we ended up getting—and I won’t go into details—but we ended up getting substantially more than other candidates who had run in the past years. And now we’re gonna take that to new levels. I want to thank my television star over here—Omarosa’s actually a very nice person, nobody knows that. I don’t want to destroy her reputation but she’s a very good person, and she’s been helpful right from the beginning of the campaign, and I appreciate it. I really do.

Very special.